The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
