one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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