he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
