He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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