somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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