She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
