he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
