i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
