I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
