what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
