How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
