It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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