4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
