Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize