well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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