woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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