please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
