Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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