is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
