hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
only you would photoshop your dick
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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