she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
