He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
