Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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