5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
