New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
