Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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