Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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