That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
