The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
