guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
