I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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