Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
