the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
