I wish I only lived at night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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