A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
