Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
