this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
