so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
