when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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