dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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