My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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