Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
