my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
