Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
