fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
