So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i will never coherently bang her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
