I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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