why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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