It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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