After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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