I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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