OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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