2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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