I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
