OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
