On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
