I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
