lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
