Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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