don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
