No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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