Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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