Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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