I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
