This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
