My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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