I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
