Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
