But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
