Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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