Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
