you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
