I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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