Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
