imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
