Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love having hate sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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