Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
