I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
