I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
