I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
