The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
