the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
