Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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