But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
home. puking in laundry basket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
